If you count today, I am only going to be working in my current position for another 6 days -....counting today. I can't believe it. After nearly five years with this company, I have decided to move on. I'm closing one chapter on my life and starting with another.
To be honest, it is so surreal. I have wanted to find something that I would feel was my calling. I really think this new opportunity is it. I am excited to get started; to learn something new; to be doing something in my 'field of study'; set up a career.
On the other hand, I can't believe I will only be working here for another 5 full work days. Five. that's it. I can count that on one hand. Nearly five years of 8 - 5, late nights, some weekends. Some people have been here as long (a handful longer) than I have. I have watched employees come and go. This has kind of been my family. The people I have worked with in this office have been a unique group - a wildly eclectic group - but somehow, amid all the diversity, it worked for us.
I was blessed to have worked with such an incredible team.
Were there bad days? absolutely! There were days that when I left, I didn't know how I would convince myself to get in my car and drive back to work the next morning. But even on the worst days, I always had the women i worked with to vent to, cry with, be mad with. It helped get through the really bad days. The 'them' versus 'us' days. Have you ever watched Lost? Yeah we had 'the others'. that was a running joke for a little while. I hated that over time, as the company has grown, the them versus us mentality has gotten so much worse. it was office versus field. Managers versus billing.
It was stressful.
It was hard.
it was miserable at times.
And you know, I really am so much better for it. Having to overcome huge obstacles. Learn how to stand up for myself. I have learned my limits. I know exactly what are my strengths and weaknesses. I know what I don't like about a job. I know the things I love. I have certainly grown professionally. My experiences have helped me to also grow on a personal level.
Everyone told me that after putting in my notice, I would only be able to think about the good things; the good times; all the things I will miss. I couldn't disagree more! All I keep thinking about are all the things that I WON'T miss. That's when I realize it is definitely time for me to move on. For me and for the company.
The other indicator is all my negativity towards a lot of the people who are still working for the company, toward the work; just the general resentment. I found that I was able to train myself to stop thinking about work once I was in my car on the way home - completely block it from my thoughts. I didn't think about it again until I got to work the next morning. Does that mean I was a bad employee? I don't know. this was just a necessary mechanism to save me and my sanity.
I know it sounds life a horrible place and situation - it wasn't...not all the time. Not in the beginning. So much has changed. the company itself has boomed; profited when no one else could. it got away from everyone, I think. We couldn't keep up. We were trying to continue to function as a small company, even though, we are for all intents and purposes, bigger than a small company. The thing is we are smaller than a big company. Sheesh - goldilocks complex or what?! it just got out of hand - the work load kept growing but we couldn't find the right people to help out.
When I leave next Friday, there will be a lot of people in the company that I probably won't ever speak to again, for various reasons. There are some women here who I will continue to talk to on a regular basis. Not working together will probably help some of the friendships that have been made. I am so thankful for these women. We have celebrated and laughed together, rejoiced in each others successes and accomplishments. some were at my wedding. I went to Jackie's wedding in October. These friendships will continue to flourish.
I'm actually having a hard time wrapping this post up because it felt so negative. But honestly, as I feel this chapter coming to a close, it is as if a weight has been lifted. I feel happier. I feel more positive again. I'm excited about the future but I am thankful for the opportunity I was given to grow professionally and personally with the employer I am leaving.
I'm happy. I'm moving on to take care of me and my goals. I'm motivated. I feel like I may be walking into my 'calling' my niche. And that is exciting!