Love The One You're With

Yesterday, The Husband and I wished each other 'happy 6 years since our first date'  I'm not joking - we actually say sappy things like that to each other.  Every month on the 10th (dating month-iversary) and then the 13th (wedding month-iversary).  Yes we are giant dorks. And to make it worse - The Husband remembers more often than I do!  I started reminiscing over the last 6 years that we have known each other. It's like a lifetime - like I don't remember my life before him. Yes, I had a life before him but I can't remember what it was like NOT knowing him. 

Last week, The Husband and I celebrated our third wedding anniversary. Three years. It is a lot of time and none at all at the same time. Things are so different in so many way since the day we said ‘I do”.  It isn't always easy that’s for sure.  Actually our first year of marriage was the toughest.  We didn't have to adjust to living together; we had already been doing that!  We were given a lot of obstacles to overcome, big decisions that I had never dreamed of having to make.  I mean when we got married, I hadn't made a car payment, mortgage payment, applied for a non-student loan. I hadn't bought a car or house – nothing major.  The Husband had to make decisions for his business, house, vehicles, it was a mess. It was stressful and it was hard.  We were both stressed for different reasons.

He ended up taking a step back from his business and found a job working for another company. He was there until the company shut down – a mere four months later. Then he was able to get another job with a much larger company.  He was away a lot. He would be gone for a week, home for the weekend, and leave again on Sundays.  It was hard on us, on our relationship.  He was stressed because he wasn’t happy, because he was never home. We didn't do a whole lot when he was home, we spent a lot of time in ‘solitude’, no socializing  - with anyone. We needed those moments for us, to catch up, recover. Get in our snuggles. 

But here we are three years later, weathered the storm and made it to the sunshine. We are so much better for it, so much stronger.  Look, the reality is that marriage doesn't make a relationship easier. In some ways it can be harder.  There is change and compromise and thinking about the ‘we’ instead of the ‘me’. Sometimes that transition isn't fun.   At the end of the day, there is no one I can imagine being stressed with, waking up next to, going on dates with, or with whom I could imagine running around the house chasing me while the giggles are unending and the silliness never stops.

We celebrated our third anniversary the day of, the way we always do.  We go to our favorite restaurant in town for dinner then make our way to ice cream.  This year the restaurant was more crowded than I have EVER seen it! We had quite the dining experience, drawn out over a couple hours. After dinner, we decided to wander around Total Wine to make room for dessert! J 

The third wedding anniversary gift is leather or glass/crystal.   We bought The Husband some new tequila to try.  NEWS FLASH (to me): The Husband really likes Tequila. I had NO IDEA.  I thought his bevi of choice was rum! So anywho – the tequila is in glass so there you go J we are also ordering him a leather sheath for his fishing pliers.  Look at that – he got the traditional AND modern gifts!

So this was a NO BRAINER for me – leather. PURSE or SHOES?! I went with purse. I’m so glad I did.  I was so excited when it was delivered that when I got home, I had The Husband take some pictures for YOUR viewing pleasure. PLUS it is super adorbs! 

 

  

We have a lot to learn as a couple and as individuals.  We are still young and have so many new things to experience together.  I'm not an expert and I know I'm not the perfect partner - ask my family.  This weekend my parents, husband and I were discussing chores, cooking, laundry, etc and I ACTUALLY said "if someone else is going to do it for me, why should I do it too".  Yeah - entitled/spoiled/princess-complex much?! I am very fortunate that The Husband helps with the chores and the cooking and doesn't expect me to do all of it. 

Here is what I know FOR SURE :

• You have to make time for each other.  Life gets in the way, you get busy, there’s family, chores, friends, work.  We all get caught up in the whirlwind that is this crazy thing called life.  It isn’t always easy.
• You love for the things they do right, you love for the ‘flaws’ or the annoying habits they have.  Maybe they slurp their drink when they aren't using a straw; maybe you don’t like the way they scroll through the guide when you are browsing for a tv show; regardless – you love them anyway.
• When it gets hard, stay and fight.  When you are totally committed to your spouse, there are very few things that can’t be overcome and worked out.
• The grass is not always greener.  What you get in social media is what the ‘host’ wants you to see.  FB, blogworld, Twitter, Instagram, etc – you are seeing THE. VERY. BEST. of people and their relationships. Keep that in mind and don’t compare what you have to what they have.   

It is not always easy and sometimes it isn't that fun, if we are being completely honest.  But it is ALWAYS worth it =)

You can read about our first date, wedding recaps, and anniversary one and two.
Happy Tuesday!

Love The One You're With

What I Have Learned

Today marks a mere eleven days until my sister gets married. She will walk down the aisle as a single woman and come back holding the hand of her new husband. Watching her go through these past few weeks leading up to the moment that family start arriving and all you can do is wait, has got me thinking about the last sixteen months of my life.

That's right people -- I have been somebody's wife for a smidge more than sixteen months. It is strange to think that I have not always wore a wedding band with pride, that I wasn't always his wife. 

I have learned so many things about who I was before and the person I have become in a few short months.

I have learned lots of good things about myself; I have become a really good cook. I'm an incredible baker. I have learned how to make J laugh. I have learned how to love unconditionally. I have learned to look at the brighter side of a situation.

I learned that I was selfish...I was so sure that I was already living for us and our relationship before we took the plunge and said "I do". I have learned that wasn't necessarily the case.
I was selfish. I hate to say that about myself because I like to think I wasn't. I was -- big time. I think I realized that about myself about a month into our marriage. I can't remember what the exact moment was or what was going on but I remember stopping in my tracks because at that moment I wasn't concerned with us, I was concerned with how whatever it was would effect me. It wasn't something conscious, it was there, underneath it all. I had no idea.

It was during that moment that I adjusted my way of thinking. I had to figure out how to put aside the 'all-about-me' mentality. It needed to be about what was best for us and our future as well as our present. We had to learn from our past -- both in our relationship to that point and past relationships. 

I think a lot of my selfishness was bred. I was raised to be thoughtful and courteous and caring. I have found that I dated a lot of guys, some of whom taught me about my own strength and others who expected me to be a different person. Sometimes it was for their family, sometimes it was for their friends and still, other times it was for the guy I was with and what he expected from a significant other.
When the last big relationship I had before J ended, I promised myself I wouldn't compromise the person I am or my values and I certainly wouldn't change. If someone didn't love me for exactly who I am, well that was just tough and I would move on. I held on to that pretty tightly. I didn't want to lose myself again in the person I was with - even if it meant losing that person.

I held fast to me -- I learned quickly that I tend to be slightly offensive. OOPS! Where other guys and their friends have told me it was me being a b!tch, J explained that some people just weren't use to my way of thinking or how outspoken I was. Well that made more sense. I wasn't going to change - just wear a different proverbial hat, if you will, when interacting with certain people.
I use to hate to admit that I did that -- wore different faces for different people. But in reality, you have to, for the most part. You act differently with your co-workers, friends and family. That's just the way it is -- then within those groups you have a different 'hat' for different circles.

I have always, and still, struggle with that. We are all so encouraged to be the person we are, yet we are expected to act a certain way based on the climate. I struggle -- I have an opinion on pretty much everything but I am not necessarily diplomatic in the way I present it. I feel like honesty really is the best policy on all things. I have learned to better convey ideas, especially if they are contrasting to the originator's idea.

I have learned that I need affection all the time. I really like hugs and I am not afraid to tell my friends and family that I love them. I do love them -- my friends have become an extension of my family. My family consists of the most important people in my life.

I have learned that I want to be accepted and loved. I know most people feel that way - but I use to try to convince myself that I didn't care. There has been an incident recently-ish that I have found myself a target of sorts. I am really unsure how it all came about or why I had been singled out but it was really hurtful. It happened and I have moved on -- my big thing is WHY. That's all I want to know. I had a similar situation happen in college. I thought this girl was my best friend. We lived together for three years and there aren't many pictures I have from college that she is not in. This still hurts me because I came home one day from visiting my parents and she had just moved out. No note, no notice, nothing. She hasn't spoken to me since. That was like 4 years ago -- she has since gotten married, I have gotten married. I have emailed her and tried to talk to her on facebook but I have never gotten a response. I just don't know what happened -- all of a sudden she was gone.

Wow -- sometimes writing it down, helps so much. I was feeling all misty and teary at the beginning of this post, trying to figure out what was weighing on my heart. Apparently a lot of stuff that I needed to say out loud.

I can't believe my sister is getting married in a few short days -- July 30th. I am so ecstatic for her and  Douggles -- yeah I call him that (sounds like snuggles haha). I am just thrilled beyond belief for them and slightly envious of their upcoming honeymoon. *Sigh* How I would love to go on our honeymoon again!

Have you had an light-bulb-on-moments recently?

Happy Endings

Thoughts??  Does anyone know what I'm talking about?

.....

.......

EW! What?! NO!!!

Not THAT kind!!

I'm talking about the show on ABC that just started last week...

Anyone watch it?? I have watched one episode...I think its pretty hilarious!

In the ONE episode I have seen, the husband finds out that his wife went to a marriage counselor...just to see how they were doing. BUT she never told him.  He found out anyway and by the end of the episode they agree on talking to one another before speaking to a counselor.

That got me thinking about a post by Kate over at Every Mile a Memory called Are You Your Husband's Girlfriend? 

I really enjoyed her post about continuing to do the little things that were important long after the 'newness' of the relationship wears off and once he puts a ring on it. Part of what she talks about makes me think of communication and how it is so important to maintaining the friendship that started before the romance did...for most anyway =)

I talked to J about it the other night as we cuddled on the couch.  The term Kate used was 'Forever Girlfriend' -- J thought it was so cute.  I know over the past year since the wedding I HAVE slacked in my overall attempts to be a 'girlfriend'.  He, without a doubt, still loves me and thinks I'm 'The Hot-ness That Is' but I know he loves when I make an effort. I still try to dress up (or get dressed at some point for those days on the couch) and I spritz some perfume/body spray every morning.  But I am not talking ONLY dressing up or being presentable but also in my attitude.

I have lately been very quick to get frustrated when The Husband isn't seeing my perspective or understanding my POV. It use to be I was patient and would attempt to explain myself in a different way so that we were on the same page as far as what I was trying to convey.

Stress or not, I know I need to make that effort.  When I am frustrated so is he and vice versa.  It didn't use to be so but it is nice for someone to share in the same emotions.  On the other hand, if he is pouting about something that I think is silly, I may start pouting because he is being a brat...OK that scenario is usually the other way around, but whatev =)

The point is that YEARS from now, I want to have an even happier and healthier relationship with the man I call Husband than I do today. 

I promise not to take myself so seriously; be more patient about everything; play his silly games, even if they are annoying at times -- ESPECIALLY since he almost ALWAYS plays mine; be passionate about us and our relationship.

The explanation/equation Kate gave to help all the women out there really understand what was going on with their man was:

Always remember that men need to feel admired.

Pride + Ego = Man

Feeling admired is a male need.

Being needed is a male need.

Are you YOUR Husband's girlfriend?

Go on, go get your happy ending!

STILL not talking about THAT kind!!

Happy Friday!

Bring on the Bling & Meaning

I received a lot of compliments about my nail polish from my Sneak Peek post.  SO I will tell you about it =)

It's OPI Bring on the Bling

The more you layer it the gold-er it will look.  The glitter in it is multi-colored with purple, green, red, light blue. It's awesome! and so festive! I will definitely be wearing it on New Year's!

We had our gift exchange at work today -- I ended up with a Panera gift card. After it was all said and done, I traded again with my manager and gave her the gift card.  I got from her a small book called "2".  It's a book full of beautiful quotes about love and partnership and life together...
My favorite quote is at the beginning::

"Then we sat on the edge of the earth, with our feet dangling over the side, and marveled that we had found each other"

-- Erik Dallard

There is one little section that I really hope to do with The Husband: it's a Couple's Mission Statement.  I really hope we do it -- when we do, I will share it with you =)
Here are a couple other quotes/thoughts from the book that I really enjoy:

"An enjoyable disorder characterized by feelings of excitement, anticipation, high hopes, recent memories of interludes, giddiness, and physical over-stimulation which occur simultaneously when experiencing a new love.  These feelings take over without warning and make it difficult to concentrate on anything by romance.  They interfere with work and safe driving, but should be experienced at least once in every person's lifetime."

--Urban Dictionary, definition of "twitterpated"

This quote made me think of our wedding day:

"To see coming toward you the face that will mean an end of oneness is - far more than birth itself- the beginning of life."

--Holly Roth

The book itself ignited a lot of thoughts.  Sometimes I find myself thinking "I wish I would have.." but I can't think anything like that. Every single decision, good or bad, brought me to the place I am now.  I can't regret anything I have done because, like I said, even the bad decisions led me to John.  God most certainly has a plan for us and a path for our lives.  We don't always end up where we think we should be but we do always end up right where we need to be.  Sometimes, I think I would have liked to have been more decisive and had a better idea of what I wanted to do with my life/college but I probably wouldn't have been an RA in college.  I wouldn't have met the guy I dated for 2 years.  That guy is the reason I met Marc who eventually introduced me to J. EVERY SINGLE DECISION I have made in my life has led me to this moment,

With These Friends: Who love me no matter what with no judgement or conditions

And This Family: Who is supportive and loving no matter what

and My Loving Husband: who has been my rock and my best friend

I am so thankful to have these people in my life.  I am truly blessed.  Don't regret decisions you've made - - they have led you to where you are right now, to those you love and those who support you. Hug your friends and your family and, of course, your significant other. Hold on tight and don't take them for granted.  Happy Friday everyone! Have a safe and marvelous weekend -- ONE WEEK UNTIL CHRISTMAS!!! (can't count today since it's after noon haha)

My Random Wednesday

{1}It is really annoying that some things are sold online EXCLUSIVELY.  I finally find a coffee/creamer combination that I enjoy and our single cup coffee maker poops out! =/ BOOO!!!! SO I get online and see that Target, Walmart, Home Depot and Lowes all carry the product I am trying to find.  It's perfect! So I head out to the stores only to find that NONE of them have it!!! So I get online again and BAM! There it is -- ONLINE ONLY!!! WHAT?!?!  but WHY?! So now I have to decide if I want to order one online and wait a couple days for it to get here OR if I want to buy a small 4-cup coffee maker.  While I spend time attempting to make this decision, I could have already ordered it and received the darn thing in the mail. 

{2}Oh yes, didn't you hear -- I found a coffee and creamer that i like! YAY!!!!  So we now need 2 single cup coffee makers: one for home and one for my desk at work.  The coffee I found is a Hawaiian bean by Brother's (I think) it's found at Publix where you can grind your own beans! =) WOO!  The creamer is a delicious thing -- it's by International Delight and is one of their new flavors: Vanilla Caramel Cream!! YUM!

{3}This past Monday I realized that there are a mere FIVE, yes you read correctly 5 , weeks until the 1/2 marathon I have been training to run.  EEEP!!! Needless to say I have been pretty slacker.  Monday was my turning point and I have found new motivation! WOO HOO!!  Since Monday I have already run 7.5 miles and I have a 4.5 mile run scheduled for tonight! Go me!!! Our 7 mile run is planned for Sunday so that also helped get me into gear.

{4}Today, J and I have been married for SEVEN MONTHS!!! YAY!! Where in the world have the past months gone?  I had to count a couple times to make sure we were right on how many months it's been.  It seems like yesterday I was with my girls getting our nails done and packing to leave for the wedding.  For our parents, we decided to make albums as the thank you gifts.  I finally finished both and we gave them to each set of parents.  They have taken them to work to show them off (aww) and thanked us repeatedly.  The real thanks goes to them for their love and support!

{5}I spoke with one our photographers (a family friend of J's) and he has agreed to do my TTD (trash the dress) photos -- mine will be more of a rock the dress since I won't trash it!! I am hoping to talk J into taking some of the pictures with me.  Since the weather is finally cooling down I feel way more up for it!! I can't wait!! He said one afternoon after work or on a Sunday. So now I am stalking the weather waiting for a beautiful day and I have to make sure he's available!! I have been wanting to do this since we returned from the honeymoon but here in CFL it gets hot quickly once you get through March. 

{6}J and I are dealing with some things -- some of you are familiar with them others are in the dark about them.  If you could find the time, we could really use positive thoughts and/or prayers for something to give for us.  *No we aren't trying to be parents yet, don't get carried away* I will probably discuss in more detail once we get through it but right now is not a good time.  Part of what we are hoping for is a good job for J.  He has owned his own business since 2003 but there isn't enough work or income as it was a company involved in construction and site maintenance.  As you can imagine, work as decreased tremendously.  So, if you are one that needs a specific 'something', that would be the biggest help for us, that J will get hired.

{7}To end on a positive note, we are half way through the week! WOO!!  The Steelers are coming off their bi-week on Sunday and Big Ben Roethlisberger will be returning to the head quarterback position against the Browns! J and I will be going to my parent's house to watch the game and have some family time.  It's always more fun to cheer with people that enjoy the same team and who love you. Maybe this week we can make J a Big Ben Believer! =) Go Steelers!!!

*All images found via Google Search

9.02.10

Yes it is 90210 day =) It makes me giggle, though I never watched the show.

OK the important thing about today is that it marks 26 years of marriage for my amazing parents! 

YAY!  My sis and I are so lucky to have been raised in such a happy and affectionate household.  They have set the example for what I hope my marriage with J will be -- happy, full of love, hugs and trust.  There will be bumps in the road but we will get through together. I feel like I remember them being in their late twenties, but definitely their thirties and watching them grow up together, as a couple and as parents. 

I look through pictures and see just how young they were when they started a family and I am amazed that they did it so gracefully.  I don't remember them fighting, though I'm sure there were disagreements.  I don't remember wanting for anything that was a necessity...you know kids, they always WANT something, right?! =)

They have hugs and kisses and love to spare.  They have grown as individuals but together, closer as the pages in their lives have turned.  These two people are a beautiful example of what I want my life, marriage and family to be - happy, healthy and full of love. They still act like newlyweds, hold hands, hug, kiss and cuddle. I want to be like that in 26 years with J!

Happy 26th Anniversary to the most loving couple and amazing parents!

Love you both!!

Love and Marriage

"Marriage, like everything good and important, isn't easy" -- Katherine Heigel 27 Dresses

So tomorrow marks 5 months of marriage for me and J! WOO HOO!! So far things have been amazing.

Don't get me wrong it hasn't been sunshine and rainbows for the past five months but we also haven't lost that 'honeymoon' stage.

Shortly after saying "I do", we had a big obstacle to conquer and overcome. It's been a bumpy road at times, already - we've stumbled through some of it and helped pick each other up on the other side.

It's hard disagreeing and not seeing eye to eye on something with your best friend. It's hard not understanding their perspective. I'm not saying we argue a lot by any means, but for us arguing at all is kind of out of the ordinary (it's sickening right? lol).

The days we have argued, are some of the saddest days but they always end in love, hugs, kisses, cuddles and we always apologize. The very best days are the ones filled with giggles and silliness. Sometimes Ruger doesn't understand we're laughing hysterically so he gets a little hysterical himself, and then the fun never ends.

Before we got married, J and I talked about lots of things from expectations to kids to finances to family to everyday life. We covered it all, and, shockingly enough, we agreed on most things.

I have learned a lot of things on the road from dating to marriage. Most importantly: it’s not easy-peasy, everything falls into place all the time.

I always tell people that “A marriage [or relationship] is like your house. You have to maintain it a little every day or it’s in a state of chaos by the end of the week.”

You have to make the effort all the time, even when you’re tired, run down, and just not up for the challenge. And it is a challenge. It’s the best, most beautiful challenge J and I have taken on. We love every single day together, regardless if it’s an easy day or not. Our worst day together is better than our best day without the other. We take care and support each other. We stroke the ego and are their best cheerleader and biggest fan. We make sure to spend time every day without the TV on just talking about our day and whatever is on our mind. Sometimes it is right after work relaxing on the bed and sometimes it’s while we are cooking dinner. We have learned to make time for just us, without the intrusion of the rest of the world. We compliment the other and still go on dates. Sometimes we do each other’s chores…I said SOMETIMES. I don’t do the yard lol.

We were both blessed with loving and affectionate parents who have taught us how to love and that it does take effort. We are fortunate to come from homes where we have a model for marriage. Of course ours will be different from their marriages but we come from the same ideals of what marriage is.

We don’t go to bed angry, sleep in separate rooms out of spite and we don’t attack the other. We always, always say “I love you”. Work hard and cherish your spouse.