Thursday, November 10, 2011

Pieces of Me

Exhaustion -- I mentioned it the other day and today I am still loaded with it. When I get exhausted, I become either delirious and giddy or I become very emotional. This go round - I have been the latter.
I am so tired that the other night when I was trying to get baseboards painted, I couldn't find the rag I was using the previous night. I found it FINALLY and picked it up. The Husband said he needed it. I saw he had another and he said he needed that one too. I became very dramatic and WHINED, yes, I whined. I also about burst into tears because what was I going to use?!

Being this tired, I let my mind wander. I think about all sorts of things. Today I found myself thinking about the past: friends, boyfriends, events, all of it. I don't regret anything about my past because I know all roads and bumps and whatevers led me to this moment, this place in my life.
Do you ever think about people who aren't in your life any more? Do you wonder where they are and how they have been? Do you go so far as to see if they are on Facebook?

I have found myself thinking a lot about a particular girl who I thought was a very close friend of mine. We met as RAs (Residence Assistants) for the college apartment complex we were living my sophomore year. We became very close and after the first year as an RA we decided to stop and we became room mates. It was awesome! There aren't many college memories that I have that don't include this girl. We always had such a great time together and we helped develop our occasional craft into a full blown obsession where scrapbooking and knitting became our Friday night highlight. We would make frozen umbrella drinks and go to movies together; we went looking at apartments together when our boyfriends and us decided it would be fun for the 4 of us to live together. We threw amazing parties and drank a lot together. We theifed a banner from another phase of the apartment complex and hung it in our apartment. We went to Friendly's a lot and had ice cream. I miss this girl and I probably shouldn't but she was a big part of my life. We moved in together with our boyfriends and the 4 of us had a fairly good coexistence. 

I actually think the problem had been the guy I was dating and we were living with. He wasn't exactly a positive or even a super friendly individual. He and I broke up -- it was ugly. He moved out and I continued to live there. 

She and I and several of my friends celebrated my birthday in April 2007 at the apartment and one day in May I came home after visiting my parents in Georgia and they were gone. They took all their things and some of mine. They didn't leave a note, she didn't give me any explanation, nothing. I was so sad and then I was mad. It seemed so cowardly to me that they just up and left - they didn't say anything. She didn't say good-bye. She didn't even tell me they had intentions of moving out. 
I called her. I emailed her. I never heard back. We remained 'friends' on facebook and I would send her messages every once in a while - I told her I hoped her and her boyfriend had fun on their road trip across the country for his career move; I congratulated her when her and her boyfriend became engaged; I congratulated her when they got married. I emailed her asking what happened and why I had never heard from her. Nothing - I did this for about 2 years. Finally, I un-friended her. She didn't want to be a part of my life on any level, she made that clear. So it was the only thing I could do. It wasn't malicious it was just the end for me. She doesn't need to know about my life when she clearly doesn't want me in hers. Petty? Maybe. I am still sad when I think about it because there was never any closure, there was nothing.
I think about her a lot - I want to reach out to her but I know she will never respond.

Have you had relationships fall apart in front of you and you didn't see it? Did you ever get closure??

I think that's enough Debbie Downer out of me!!! On a very happy and positive note: ALL THE FLOORS are down in the new house!!!! We are one step closer to moving in. I am moving in on Saturday with or without The Husband haha! Ok probably not - I will wait but I am so ready! I can't share pictures because I don't have internet at home STILL; super happy with our services right now! I'm hoping we can have it successfully transferred this weekend and then bring on the pictures! =)

I hope y'all are having a fabulous week and that the next two days cruise by so you can enjoy your weekend =)
For those of you who made it to the end of this post - I love you ♥


rkjalernpan said...

A version of this story has been floating around my own mind as I feel it being written. I have a girl she is currently my MOH but recently she's just been ignoring me and I'm beginning to think a similar situation is about to happen. I can't decide whether to fight or just move on... It's tough.

But thanks for sharing.

Unknown said...

I completely understand. I had the same thing happen to me in college, well a similar situation. It's a horrible feeling but look at you now, you are so happy! That's the way I look at it, I wish some of my friends could be a part of my happiness now but it's their loss.


Café Moka said...

Wow, that girl is really weird!!! What friend leaves without saying goodbye or without any explanations?!?! What a friend! Not getting a closure must be so frustrating!!!

Nikki said...

I had the exact thing happen to me. My friend and I moved in together and it was amazing! She then met a guy, and one day she was gone..literally. We reconnected after about 2 years, and sorted things out. If she doesn't want in your life, it's her loss!!

Newlyweds on a Budget said...

wow that is so weird. why wouldn't she at least tell you what happened?? yeah that would drive me crazy, but in the end i guess i would just assume that people like her must be super weird asnd not have any guts bc why else couldn't she at least give you an explanation. maybe her boyfriend secretly had a crush on you or something...

Kym @ Travel Babbles said...

Definitely don't consider yourself a Debbie D!!! This is YOUR blog and you can write about and express whatever you have to! I consider my blog cheap therapy. Lot's of inspiration, motivation, happy happy hoo haa, but then all of a sudden I break down and realize it's not rainbows and butterflies and use my blog to VENT (see yesterdays post, for example, lol)

I actually commend and applaud you for writing about your friend. I had a falling out with my best friend of 15 years about 2 years ago. I reached out through calls, texts, voicemails, facebook messages - hell, I even called her all the way from Germany on her birthday last September. She finally responded to me when I wrote her quite a lengthy message that I was picking my bridesmaids and I couldn't imagine her not being one, even if we hadn't talked in a couple of years. She was my best friend since 4th grade. Her response was that our friendship became something forced and not real. That was the ultimate slap in the face to me, and I realized if she didn't need me, I didn't need her. I "unfriended" her on Facebook and I never looked back.

Remember that the people you need in your life need you in theirs too. You're better off without her Ashley - but definitely be appreciative of the burn and learn she put you through and always be fond of the memories.

Faith said...

sometimes i believe that certain people are just in your life for a season. when you need them to actually get through with something in your life. once that part of your life is figured out they are needed no longer and then they leave just as the seasons.

it is easy to think of old friends, i do that sometimes. sometimes, i wonder how life would have been different if the friendship never ended. i see old friends of mine who are now married, have kids, etc and i know that if you told me years ago that i would not be a part of this time in their life, i would have laughed. but they aren't and it is OK. they are OK, i am OK.

at the end of the day, life is just as it was meant to be. we can't change it but we can always think of the past and the people who made us who we are today but unfortunately those people no longer make my world go round and i don't make their world go round anymore either.

can't wait to see pictures of the house! i can only imagine how excited you are to have all the floors done in the house!!

Dana said...

I can understand your reason for still thinking about her because you don't have closure due to her bizarre disappearance. I think it's clear that you'll just have to learn to live without the closure and move on. I've had so many friends come and in out of my life and they're there for the right time period and then they might leave. It's part of life. Congrats on your home coming to together!

Emily said...

I totally understand this and I am so sorry! I had a similiar situation with a friend while I was planning my wedding...she told me I was asking too much of her!? We have not talked since and she de-friended me. I have sent her messages and friend requests...I suppose her life is just too full to add me into it. Sad! I wish you had some closure with your friend!

Nicole said...

I had kind of a similar instance happen to me my sophomore year of college. And even though it isn't the same by far, it is very similar so I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

And yes I think about past friends and relationships. It down right sucks too sometimes :)